It is official.  I am starting my very first culinary job in November 7th.  After finishing the program at the ICC in California, My classmates and I were faced with the task of finding our first culinary jobs.  It was pretty interesting to see where people were taking their culinary careers.  Scott Kunis dove right into a catering business and he is making that happen.  Another two of my friends decided to take the corporate dining route and they are doing very well.  Johny Moreno is working for a big corporate kitchen serving over 900 covers daily, and he is doing great.  My other friend, Travis Cone, has been working for Apple, and though he is doing well, I have the suspicion that he will not stay there for too long.  Travis has a passion for BBQ you see, and they don’t serve pork at Apple.  My prediction is that he will end up somewhere down south studying with the BBQ gurus.  I hope he does.  My Friend Jerry Wu is part of the crew opening “The Sea” by Alexander’s Steak House.  He is experiencing opening a restaurant from the ground up.  It can’t get better than that.  He will be on the line from day one as well.  I am really excited for them!  As far as the rest of the class, they are still taking time finding what the next move is.  I wish them all good luck.  You may also be thinking why I include first and last names here.  There is a good reason for that. I believe that each one of these individuals is going to achieve great things in this business.  They are all very talented, and overall, they all have a deep passion for food and cooking.  Me.. well I also have my first job and it is a pretty sweet one.

I will be working for Manresa.  Yep, that’s right.  My first job out of culinary school is a 3 month internship at Manresa.  It all started with a meeting with Nicole from  career services almost at the end of my program at the ICC.  We were discussing what was next for me and I mentioned I would love to work for Manresa someday.   She literally said “okay, lets make that happen”.  A few emails from Nicole and I later, and I was in front of David Kinch interviewing for the job.  To be honest I didn’t think I would even get a chance to stage.  My interview was brief and to the point.  “So… this would be your first kitchen job?”.  Questions like that were the order of the day.  I had been at the restaurant for no more than 5 minutes before the interview was over.  Chef Kinch then asked me to come back for a 12 hour shift to see if I was a fit for their kitchen, and if I would still like to work for them after working with them for a day.

My 12 hour stage came and went in the blink of an eye.  In those 12 hours alone I was exposed to more than 5 products I had never seen before in my life.  And those are the ones I was aware of.  I am sure I missed a bunch.  One product that stood out for me, mainly because I am Mexican, was ground cherries.  They look like tomatillos (green tomatoes), but instead of green husks, they have brown husks.  They smell very similar to tomatillos, but when you taste them, they do taste like cherries, though you can still discern a very faint taste of acidity similar to the taste of tomatillos.  And ofcourse the color is different as well.  It was fascinating.  I worked with beautiful beans and sea weed.  I helped prep beets that had been dehydrated, then re-hydrated, and then sous vide.  I even plated a dish called “into the garden”, which has over 40 ingredients.  And though It was an amazing experience, I was constantly reminded about how much I have to improve.  All the chefs working in that kitchen are amazingly precise and fast.  They serve beautifully plated dishes with great speed and accuracy.  The presentation is spotless, and they do it all in a completely silent kitchen lead by Chef de Cuisine Jessica Largey.  At the end of the day, I really thought there would be no way they would call me back.  I really thought I didn’t work to the level they were expecting.  As you know, this is a trend with me.  A few days went by and I was sure I would not get a call back, but then I received an email from David Kinch letting me know they would let me work with them for the next three months.  It is extremely exciting and scary at the same time.  I really hope I do a good job, and though I know I may not stay there to work full time, I hope I make a good enough impression on both Chef Kinch and Chef Jessica that they may consider me for a job some time in the future. 

And so I leave you with something that has been rattling in my head for the past few months as I run through scenarios about what will and won’t happen to me in the culinary world.  I would rather be the worst cook at a Michelin Star restaurant, than the best cook at a mediocre one.  I don’t have a problem being humbled by the amazing talents of others as long as I can learn a thing or two from them.

     So it has been almost one month since I graduated from the ICC.  Level 5 and 6 were all about cooking for customers.  Some of the best lessons were learned as we prepared for service.  Chef Xavier Mayonove and Chef Bruno Ponsot were the two chefs who taught me the most.  During my graduation ceremony, Chef X told me his job was easy since the chefs we had for level 1 and level 2 taught us everything, and he just needed to lead us through service.  While this is somewhat true, I disagree.  Chef Bruno and Chef X taught us more efficient ways of working, different techniques, taught us the importance of being professional in the kitchen, and the importance of helping each other.  Chef Bruno spent level 3 through 5 with us, and Chef X level 5 and 6. Though our class was very good at working with each other, Chef Bruno and Chef X turned us into a brigade.  They prepared us for the reality of cooking in a professional kitchen.  These I believe to be the most important lessons.  Through their instruction, we became much better cooks (notice I don’t use the word chef since I believe that you only become a chef through years of experience).

     And what can I say about my classmates.  I gained 7 new friends.  All of my classmates helped me get better as well.  We all helped each, and through helping each other, we became better.  I doubt that many other classes have as tight a bond as ours.  Only a few times in ones lifetime does one meet a handful of individuals who are all awesome and great to work with.  We all became one in the kitchen.  Nobody would let the other go down in flames.  I believe I made some friends for life and can’t wait to see where they all go in this profession.  I believe that we were all at the right place at the right time.

     As far as the next step, well…. the wheels are in motion.  There are several opportunities to pursue but I think I know where I will end up for the near future.  The long term goal is just a bit closer now.  The times ahead are both scary and exciting! And though it is pretty stressful to take a completely different direction with what I do now professionally, I know I have a strong foundation to begin my professional culinary career.

Level 4 is done!  In this level we learned about the exquisite art of charcuterie, had fun hacking at a half of a pig, cooked family meal, and gained a few more tools for our arsenal.  It was a challenging level, and many times I felt under pressure to get the product out on time.  Like Chef Sal says, I was “in the weeds” a few times.  Overall, it was a really great level, but I still have a lot to learn.

  Let me first say that I finished this level with a 97.5 percent grade so basically a nice A.  I have also made the Deans list for level 1 through 4 so far.  I am not bragging here though.  This is important because of what I have to say next.  Though I  have been doing pretty good, every day I come into the kitchen I doubt myself.  I continuously think I am not doing well.  I find myself trying hard, and thinking I am not doing well enough despite my efforts.  I get anxious about weather or not my knives are sharp enough, why I can’t get my knives sharp, cutting product with the correct technique and fast enough, the food I am churning out being good enough, my classmates doing way better than me, and an array of other things.  This happens every day before, during and after class.  I am always thinking of what I must do better, or how I didn’t do this or that well enough.  While this of course can be beneficial, I think I overdo it, and sometimes I make mistakes because I am too worried about trying to do things the best I can.  I don’t take anything lightly, so if I think I messed up on something, I really beat myself up about it and I feel I am doing horrible.  This has been a pattern since level 1 by the way.  I get worked up about how I am failing and how I am not keeping up with the pack, only to find out in my evaluations that it isn’t so. Time and time again (except for one evaluation in level 2 when I got an 87) I have done well in my evaluations.  My chefs have good feedback for me.  I even got a 99 in one of my last evaluations.  I compare my evaluations with who I consider to be the top students in my class, and I am right there with them.  Even so, I still don’t feel any more confident.  Perhaps this anxiety is because every day we are doing something new.  Perhaps I am just crazy.  All I know is that I have to get better at not beating myself up and just enjoy the ride sometimes.

Level 5 will officially start tomorrow and we are familiarizing ourselves with the dishes we will be serving at the restaurant for Level 5 and 6.  Now, more than ever, I have to be confident in my skills.  It is go time!  No room for self doubt anymore (although I doubt I won’t doubt. ahahahah).  I just have to figure out how to trick myself into believing in me.

So here we are again.  One more level done at the ICC.  We had our midterm last week. We are now slap in the middle of the program. Level 3 was great for me and it also helped me put things into prospective. 

Though the level started a bit shaky (mostly because of the first instructor we had), It ended up being one of my favorite levels so far.  Chef Bruno (Our instructor for the rest of the level) was and awesome teacher.  He guided us and helped us better our technique throughout the level.  We were able to hone our skills and really start working with timeliness.  To make a long story short, by the end of the level we all improved quite a bit.  The midterm went without too much excitement since we all knew the recipes we were making pretty well.  I got an A and everything went well. 

This level also made me realize that, though I am getting better, I still have loads to learn, and  it has made me start looking at the near future in more detail rather than at the long term plan.  If I don’t execute the near future plans well, I don’t think there will be a long term.  These next months and years will be crucial in the development of the long term plan.  I still would like to have a restaurant and make my living that way, I just have stopped thinking about that specific goal in detail and focus on the closer goals coming up.  What restaurants should I be looking at for employment?  What chefs would be best to work for in order to attain the most knowledge in the field?  What type of cuisine would be best suited for me to attain the knowledge I need to open a restaurant myself?  All these are crucial questions that will soon start getting answered.  The train is moving and gaining speed.

We are almost done with the first week in level 3 at the International Culinary Center and time keeps rushing forward.  Level 2 was a pretty interesting level for me. We covered all the way from proteins, to pasta making, rice, eggs, meringues, cakes, souffles, and pastry.  We also learned why “Organic” doesn’t mean much these days, and how we are voraciously consuming all our food supply.  But enough about all that.  Let’s talk about one of the most important lessons of level 2 for me which is how one reacts to people and their approach toward teaching and working.

Aside from all the new techniques I learned in level 2, I also learned a lot about different teaching styles and how difficult it is to balance toughness, attention to detail, understanding, and flexibility as a chef instructor.  We have had 5 chef instructors teach some part of the past two levels.   All of our chef instructors have been great in their own way.  They all have very impressive resumes and have had very accomplished careers. They all bring something different to the learning experience, and they all have dramatically different teaching styles.  As a student, this helps you learn what makes you perform and what doesn’t.  This is a very important lesson on its own since it makes you reflect on how other people affect you and the way you work.  While you can’t choose who you are going to have as a manager, teacher, or a co-worker, you can choose how to approach their working styles and personalities.  I am no master at this I must confess.  I find it difficult to adjust to what I perceive as abrasive teaching styles that don’t allow room for too many questions.  That teaching style makes me doubt myself and what I know for some reason.  In turn, I feel compelled to ask more questions so I can get whatever we are doing right the first time.  This doesn’t go over well with that teaching style of course, so you can see the dilemma.  I am learning however how to deal with that type of teaching and working style.  It is helping me develop my confidence in a weird way.  Actually, it is forcing me to develop confidence since I have to rely on myself and what little pieces of information I can gather here and there.  Other teaching styles are better suited for my personality.  When I am allowed to “not know” something, it somehow puts me at ease, and in turn I just go for it and don’t have as many doubts and questions.  All these experiences are helping me look at myself and assess what it is I am lacking.  The teaching style is not the issue, it is my reaction to it and how I handle the situation. 

Self reflection has been a crucial part of these past 2 levels and the beginning of the 3rd.  I find myself constantly think about what it is I really want to accomplish.  I worry and get stressed, and all because I want to do my best.  I want to be my best.  I find that I am very hard on myself, but I don’t know any other way of being.  I constantly ask myself if I got what it takes.  I know I do, but do I?  My head sometimes becomes my enemy and I have to learn how to tame it and trick it into believing in me.  Everybody else around me does, but for some reason my head doesn’t, at least not all the way.  There is always that lingering question, “hhhmmmm… I don’t know… Are you sure you can?… I don’t think you can.”  This goes on every day and, while it can be beneficial, it can also hinder my growth.  I have to learn how to ignore my head and just do.  I think these lessons are going to be some of the most important lessons I will take from my time at the ICC.  

My first level at the FCI is done. This first month and a half has been a real eye opener.  learned I really know very little, almost nothing, about all the meticulous aspects of cooking.  I learned that my knife skills are almost non existent.  Cutting vegetables, scratch that, hacking away at vegetables, and not cutting yourself in the process, does not qualify as knife skills.  I learned that consistency is a very hard skill to achieve, let alone master.  I learned that I have been cooking at a slug’s pace up until now compared to what is expected of me in the levels ahead.  I learned that, just because I cook what I know (Mexican Food), doesn’t mean I know how to cook.

My first level final was just this past Monday.  I didn’t know what to expect, but one thing is for sure, I know now what I have to focus on.  I already knew in a way, but this past evaluation confirmed my thoughts about where I stood skills-wise.  The evaluation started with a written, theory exam.  I had been studying over the weekend so that was a piece of cake.  100 points you say? Yep! Nailed it!  But then the practical portion of the evaluation began.  That is where things got kinda nasty.

The first segment began easy enough.  Emincer 1/2 onion, ciseler 1/2 onion, ciseler one shallot, jardiniere a turnip, and julienne a carrot.  “20 minutes!” the chef shouted and off we went.  Onion and shallot… DONE!  I was feeling pretty good! On the Jardiniere however, I hit the breaks.  I was so focused on cutting the pieces in the correct measurements and with consistency, that time slipped away.  I finally got done with the turnip and started the carrot.  “5 minutes” the chef shouted.  It sounds like a long time to cut a carrot right? Well not if you are trying to cut it in as close to 1mm square by 7 cm.  I knew then that I was in trouble.  I got busy cutting away but it was pointless.  I ended up cutting one and a half sections of the three I had cut the carrot into.  I felt horrible.  A weird sensation came over me.  I felt sad and anxious, but kinda peaceful at the same time.  The only thought that came to mind was FAIL!

Starting the second portion of the evaluation, I felt defeated but hoped that I could make up some ground.  Tournes, tournes, tournes was this section’s flavor, well, turning vegetables anyway.  15 minutes to turn an artichoke and another 15 to make 8 potatoe cocottes out of one potato.  Long story short, I finished that section with 5 minutes to spare.  The vegetables didn’t look great, but they weren’t bad either.  This didn’t lift my spirits, but that was that.  On to the final portion of the practical exam.

Emonder 3 tomatoes and make a tomato fondue.  Easy right?  I had done this dish at least 5 times before.  What could go wrong right?  Of course, I cut my finger trying to hurry through the prep process so I could have more time to cook the fondue to the right consistency.  A drip of blood fell on the parchment paper lid I made earlier for this dish and, not only did I have to spend time cleaning and dressing my finger, but I would now have to fabricate another lid.  After washing my hands, I reached for the paper towels and there were none.  I scrambled to find some paper towels and finish dressing the cut.  I put on a glove and on my way I went to pick up where I left off.  I was able to get the fondue out on time, but I didn’t reach the correct consistency by the time I had to present the dish.  I knew I was toast.

Later on that night I checked my scores online.  87 points out of 100.  Not bad right?  Well, that’s not good enough for me.  This experience helped me realize that this cooking thing is not only about how much knowledge you can retain and just execute on command, but a very important chunk of it is practice and repetition.  It is about teaching your body to do things as if they were second nature.  It is like playing an instrument.  It is not enough to know all the scales. You also need to execute them well and that takes practice.  Practice, practice, PRACTICE!  I thought I was spending enough time practicing.  I am not.  I need to get better.  I will get better.  More practice!  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t have anything but a positive attitude on what’s to come.  I have learned a lot in the first level alone.  I can’t wait to get started on the next.  I will get better and next level I will score closer to, if not 100% on my next practical.  I just gotta put in work! said the rap song.  HA!

I decided to write this post to hash out some ideas I have rattling around my head this past couple of days.  Today I take my first step to realizing my dream of opening a restaurant someday.  After a long time of thinking and planning, I am finally able to take the first step of a long journey. 

Only a couple of weeks ago, everything finally lined up for me and I was able to apply to culinary school at The International Culinary Center in Campbell California which is a branch of the French Culinary Institute.  However, this first step was a long time coming.  My wife and I had the idea of opening a restaurant almost since we got married.  We knew we wanted to go into business on our own but didn’t have a clear path then.  All we knew was that we were both passionate about cooking and baking.  My wife is an excellent baker and I am a fairly good cook.  We knew we liked the idea of a restaurant but we didn’t have the resources to open one.  We first had to get our lives in order.  That was 6 years ago.  We are finally somewhat financially stable and have a clear action plan for the next 5 years or so.

To tell you the truth, none of this had completely sunken in until I signed my application papers and submitted a request for a student loan.  Up until that time, everything was a nice wishful idea but nothing else.  It was easy to daydream and take all those thoughts for what they really were, just dreams.  There was no pressure or any feelings of anxiety regarding those nice dreams because they were far away in Lala land.  Now however, we are putting the wheels in motion.  The cogs are turning and there is no turning back.  It is go time.  My feelings have changed slightly.  Instead of being up in the clouds thinking of what may be, I am now getting that feeling you get when you are about to start a race.  You know the feeling!  You are set on your starting position and waiting for that loud bang that will make your body jolt forward almost as an afterthought.  Your heart racing with anticipation as every second goes by. Your mind visualizing the finish line and everything else that may happen from the start line until the end.  Your fingers tingling as the rest of your body goes to overdrive letting you know it is ready to blast off.  That feeling of pressure that builds up more and more inside you until it finally bursts out of every inch of your body when the gun goes off.  The feeling I imagine a fighter has seconds before the first punch is thrown.  That is what I am feeling right now.  I am overwhelmed with excitement at what may come our way, but I am also extremely anxious and want to take on this challenge already.  I know it is going to be a lot of hard work.  Believe me I know! I know I will work an ungodly amount of hours and I know that won’t change until I retire.  I know I will not be comfortable for a long time since I am new to this whole process.  I know my road is long and arduous.  The life of a cook and restaurant owner always is.  I know I will get far less sleep and work way more than I ever have.  This I know and it doesn’t really bother me.  It is my passion!  My focus has changed a bit for the time being from the end goal to what is happening now and will happen for the next 9 months.  I am ready to go and can’t wait to start.  I am scared to no end but I really don’t mind.  I am ready.  I AM READY!!!!!